Honestly, I'm not one of the smartest kids in class ever since I stepped in to school. I am often by myself and shy. Most of the time, I'm afraid to exert effort in class, and I often doubt my capabilities. I think I was never interested in learning at school when I was still very young until I finished high school. And honestly, I never really gave importance to education. What I love doing at school however are co-curricular activities such as singing and drawing.
Well I know the fact that education is important because my parents always say that it will definitely help me get a good job, and its the only thing that they can give me that can never be taken away by anyone. That's all I know for years. Just mere words that lacks substance.
Unlike any other kid who's pressured by their parents to have straight As or 9s, my parents never really bothered about my grades. Pasang awa lang, okay na. Later on, like I stepped in to college, I realized that it was disadvantageous on my part. I never really have built my study habits, even just the interest of reading things that I do not like. It was hard for me to learn something that I don't want to study.
There was also a time in my life, when I was still studying at Ateneo, that I felt or thought of myself so lowly. Instead of striving for a good mark at school, I lurk to my negative feelings and thoughts. It was really unproductive. My confidence and self-esteem was very low that I decided to drop my subjects. I couldn't seem to understand the things around me, and I also felt that I don't belong to that place.
When I moved in to another university (UM), I was ready to pick myself up again and have a fresh new start. I built my self-esteem with books. I never thought that learning and discovering new things would make me feel so good. I gained more interest for learning new things. I was also able to discover new skills and interests, everything is doing well.
Now I understood what my parents were trying to say. Even though I wasn't able to learn things through them, at least I was able to discover this myself. It wasn't easy. The feeling of being down wasn't easy. I'm just happy that I was able to overcome my fear and doubts about myself.
I still think of education sometimes as a mere diploma. It doesn't really talk about who you are, what you have become, and what you have really learned. Yes it is important, practically speaking. But it doesn't mean you'll be successful with what you have "educationally achieved". Education and learning itself is different, right? Learning is all about the information that you have understood or gathered and put in to practice. Education is a degree. Okay, education is something as I think as a big plus to having a good job.
But maybe some things are far more important to me.
Back from the Dead
5 weeks ago